changes...i'm going to be changing some things.
total reconstruction starting when i wake up.

things will be different.

"this is a song for rainy days."

that i can't recognize the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
i can't tell when i lose breath or miss a heartbeat.
i can't imagine or believe in anything i see or read.
the thought of caressing someones cheek or hand.
the need to constantly stay in physical contact with them is gone.
i only feel the urge to run from any interaction i am graced with.
and nothing hardly ever catches my eye....
i am only watching.
silently.
from the corner.
it seems that i can't recognize anything anymore.
i can't see what is the obvious.
i only see through the mask those around me put on.
its scary.
its weird.
and it makes no sense.
i pick apart every word i hear.
every sentence another line...
   manipulative.
   untrue.
people are all only ever fake and liars.
i need to see some truth.
i need to see a reality.
i need to feel actual emotions.
i need to believe.
thing is....i don't.
i'm afraid.....i think i've stopped believing in love.
the word.
the sound.
it only symbolizes a lie.
shame they start and end with the same letter.
the circle of li[f]e.
i can't wish.
or dream.
i can only appear.
seem to have it all together.
when really....its all on pen and paper.
the actual reality part isn't even true.
i can't se the attraction between two people.
i can't fathom love at first sight.
i can't even imagine hearts racing and pulsing.
i can only hear and see what was.
i'm afraid i've stopped believing in love.
love.
love.
lov[i]e.
lo[i]e.
l[i]e.
lie.

"true love conquers all, just you wait."

lets dance.
come on.
spring into action on a burning bridge.
twists and turns.
high heels, tuxedo, dress.

lets sprint.
one two, one two.
two one, two one.
the finish lines in sight.
just a few more steps.
come on steady now.



i'm loving this thought of you and your daydreams.
how you are so adapt to loving anything you see and want.
tomorrow is the day we say goodybe
and never leave town again.
tomorrow is the day you watch your dreams walk away
in the form of a girl with her heart in  her hand..
"i'm taking it back.." she said.
"what?"
"....my heart."
we were a car crash, and a slow death.
we were everything we didn't want and everything we lived for.
i'm leaving your key on the doorstep,
its a slow
slow
slow
morning in salisbury.
the sun is taking its time,
taking its sweet time.
why don't you take a lesson from that, and stop rushing.
stop crushing.
stop nothing.
you brought this onto yourself.







you brought this onto yourself.

tonight was my first homecoming dance.
and i'm a senior.

it was probably one of the best days i've had in well...ever ha.
today was our day...our day to be young and stay young.

freedom was only a song away and i found that one song.
and danced for it all, i danced for today.

"okay, alright."

i'm so grateful to have suchhh great friends,
while it may be few....i wouldn't trade them for the world.

the times have picked the flower and shed the petals that only make the flower heavier than it should be.
whats left are a few chosen keys to the beauty of the whole.

"i am flawed, but i am cleaning up so well."

in a way i regret not acting my age, high school was my time to just be a kid, and here i am....
towards the end....and i can't really find what i have to show for it.

"hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption."

the dj wouldn't play any paramore.
none. none at all.

haha but it was a greatttttt night. <3




i'm breaking free.

"just stop megan, stop, your making yourself look really bad."

they always say that you can always find your way home.
that your front door is always open and the hugs are always warm..

they always say that they'll be there for you in a moment.
two three and four.

baby unlock the door,
keys. ba da bing.

i miss how it was when we shared the moonlight,
swimming in pools, in love and outta sight.

i miss how it was when i could count on you.
forever i miss you baby its true.

tomorrow this morning tonight and this evennnnnnnnning.

lets face it. the truth is the truth.
i don't love you. no really i don't.

people who were once your best friends screw you over and betray you like no other. Its really great.

i thought i knew you once.

"For all of this I'm better off without you, do you regret all your loneliness?"

suns rise and set.
days come and go.
lovers lie.
lovers fall.


I feel like I want to slap you in your face, but your not even worth the pain.
You weren't even worth the pain.
You were never worth a given second.
I feel like all we ever were was a lie.
False I love yous hidden behind tears you say you cried.
You said you missed me and couldn't live without it.
You said you knew and this was what you wanted.
You said you wanted forever and that you loved me.
You said, You said, You said.
You never did.


Show me something worth fighting for, something worth dying for, something worth breathing for, hech maybe even something worth living for.
Give me something real, something I can touch, Something I can feel and can't get enough.
In the end we all die and it really has no effect.
Those around us just move on.
Really its perfect.
In the end we're just all trapped together on the same falling plane.
We're all destined for eternity.
Tell me, does it even make sense?
....
I didn't think so.



Someday I'll shake your hand and say it was nice to have known you.
and "leave you here all alone."

i kind've feel like i'm laughing everywhere i go. but the laugh isn't a laugh. its every single emotion i feel on the inside pouring into one solemn cry. form: cover up.
it gets easier and more routine to just giggle and smile. at least this way they will all think your okay. ya know?
not many people pay attention to the eyes anymore.
the eyes? they can tell all lies. just look.
they're there.

...i know that i'll be okay."

I guess the truth really is that all good things come to an end.
I guess that the things you put your entire heart into aren't always the best for you.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and its getting a little out of hand."

Its so easy to find yourself relying on every word they say, and falling more and more in love with them as they are falling more and more out of love with you. Its so easy to find yourself fighting and fighting for something, only knowing that it isn't helping one bit. It becomes a little ridiculous, but nevertheless you just can't stop yourself. You just can't stop yourself from loving. I would not want to have to stop loving, ever. I don't know when to call it over and when to say its still alive. Apparently you didn't either, at least not until I went and did it for the both of us. Fourteen days later your heart is taken again. You love easily than anyone i've ever known, your heart is like a stamp you place on every bit of mail you can get your hands on. Just to see how far and to how many people you can reach. You think its easy. You seem to be having a good time. "how could you do this to me?"  Afterall, its just hearts. "i've seen lovers dance and i was under the impression that you felt the same way too."  I guess this is my fault too, i mean it is pretty easy to become worried about something you really care about. But i guess you can be wrong for caring sometimes. It seems that I cared a little too much. Your the type that thinks really late at night, and needs someone to lean on at all times. I've tried to be that person, I was that person, I still am that person. You just don't see it anymore. "its been too long since i've heard from you and i lay sleepless knowing that my heart still belongs to you."  You get blinded too easily by false reality. The first people you push away are the ones who care the most. It scares me because I don't know what that will do to you as a person. I only want to guard you from the horrors of this world. But I know that that isn't my job. "We lost you long ago along the way, I never thought I'd be here without you.-I'm right here just come on and say it, i've tried to reason with myself, just think of all that I could be." You helped me grow up, you once said that this was all you wanted, and that you never wanted to lose it, it was all you knew. I believed you. Because thats what I felt too. Thirty days later you completely changed the plan on me. I loveddd that. Each time I've continued to hold on, continued to have hope. But this, this really does it for me. Your still in my heart, just I can't let you have the whole thing anymore. I'm not an indiangiver. No takebacks. Maybe someday we can be friends and put all of this behind us. But until that point? i'll still remember all night phone calls and aqua life and dancing and tripping and sand in our shoes and necklaces and bracelets and your laugh and your smile and the carnival and fries with cheese and mountain dew and i'll always remember   i love you. I promise. I really do. "i admit it i still think about those times when i was with you."

when you let your heart win."




i think i let it win.
i hope it works out.
i love you.<3

i wanna do something.

you are amazing.